Have you ever been so frustrated with something that it made you feel as though you were empty inside? This isn't a normal blog. I am writing right now because I am numb. I don't know what I feel. I don't know what I think. I don't know what I want. I don't know where I am going. I don't know what I am doing. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to express how I feel. I don't know I don't know I don't know.
I have a friend. Who confided in me some things today that completely left me at a loss. This friend means A LOT too me. This friends feelings are important to me.. this friend hurting makes me hurt. I cannot fathom what this friend is going through. I know I care A LOT about this friend and hope that this friend realizes how much I do care. I would do ANYTHING for this friend. I would go to the end of world and back just to say I did it for you.
I will not identify my friend.. for my friend would not appreciate that at all. I would like my friend to know however that I am here for you. Anytime, day or night.. rain or shine. You forgot me again friend. Is this how it's always gonna be? I am being selfish.. because you are going through some shit. Forgive me for being selfish. I just hope it's not always gonna be like that though. I try and try and try to be that friend only to be forgotten. I still love you though friend.
This day has been hard for me. I miss my kids today. I have rough days like this on occasion. I hope they are ok. I hope they are happy. I hope they miss me as much as I miss them and understand that I love them and wish I could be with them more. Yes I am crying. They are tears because I miss you. They are tears because I hurt along with my friend. Tears are supposed to be a way to heal. My heart is heavy.. I have so much running through my head. Do I sound crazy. Am I crazy. Why do you read this. Why do I write it. I write it to show you the mind of Friggen Ben.
I am confused... I am mad... I am angry... I am pissed... I am hurt... I am lonely... I am patient... I am compassionate... I am happy... I am here... I am me... I am lost... Am I smitten... Does God hear me calling for help... Does God exist... Does God care... Sleep escapes me... Mind is racing... Silence is golden I love the silence of the night... the quiet calms me but does not bring rest for the wicked... I am wicked... I am Friggen Ben... Do you remember me?
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