"Oh.... it's THAT guy"... Do I belong here?

Ever walked into a bustling room full of people who are conversating loudly and just all around having a good time only to be met by a strong sense of "Oh hi... I don't belong here?" or "Oh.... it's THAT guy?" If you have, were those people co-workers and "friends"? How did that make YOU feel? It's amazing how something so small and subtle can ruin your whole day huh? The best part of explaining that situation to someone is the excuses you get for that happening in the first place. Excuses like, "Oh I am sure they were pretty well tipsy by that point", or "They have a lot going on right now". The excuses of life and the justifications to go along with them... gotta love it.

How about spending a father's day with two of your children and not hearing "Happy Father's Day" from either of them? To make that same father's day even more memorable, how about not even getting to talk to your other two children at all because their mother is so irresponsible and can't afford to pay her bills so she has working telephone service... OR... she could just care less if her children talk to their father in the first place so she doesn't permit them to use the phone.

I received approximately 3 Happy Father's Day wishes on Sunday. One was from my friend Maria, one was from my friend Ann, and the other was from my friend Denise. None from my children, none from my family, and the ones I did receive were from friends. Friends that really didn't have to go out of their way to wish me a happy father's day but they consider me a good enough friend who they felt was deserving of the kind words. Thank you to all three of you wonderful and special ladies. It meant a lot to me, thank you.

On a day that was filled with relaxing and the constant whining of my daughter because she is always "bored" and never satisfied with life because she is an evil being known as a teenager, I did however get the privelage of calling my father and wishing him a Happy Father's Day. Something, I would NOT have done the previous year or the last several years for that matter. My dad is making an effort to be a part in my life even though he is so far away so I am trying to respect that in him and returning that. Things are going farly well so far and I hope to go down and visit him in South Carolina sometime soon. I'll save that for another blog though.

As I had such an interesting weekend with not so pleasant experiences it drives a person to do a lot of thinking when you have some idle time. As most of you know, I am a night owl and I seldom get to bed most nights until 1:00-1:30 AM. I enjoy the time between 11:30-1:30 because it is always quiet and it provides a great time to reflect on the events of the day. I often find myself quietly listening to my iPod and randomly selecting one of the many artists I listen to break the silence.

Conversations with friends over the last week have led to some interesting topics to think about. I have friends who are really going through a lot of stuff right now and it always saddens me a little to see such young people struggling with their relationships, work, and just all around life in general. Now, you would think I am like 80 years old or something the way I talk but I am only 34 years old and the majority of my friends tend to be in their early twenties to mid twenties with a few in the late twenties to early thirties. I just don't understand how some people deal with the things they are going through but the truth is.. I went through much of the same crap when I was about their age and a lot of it I went through more then once.

I begin to question whether I am really happy being alone. I have been alone for a while. I don't like being alone but dealing with more hurt and more crap is by far a deterrant to change that. I wonder to myself, why have things changed so much in the last 20-30 years? I have often spoke of my grandparents and how they were married over 50 years and it never stops to amaze me that they stayed together for so long. I know they had problems but they never considered divorce as a solution to those problems. It just seems to me that divorce or breaking up with someone in our day and age is the "easy way out" of a situation so you don't have to work for something you really care about.

Perhaps maybe I am assuming that people really are capable of caring? Perhaps that is where I have it all wrong. If people cared about the person they are with would they really do things to hurt them? Would you really be dishonest with someone you cared about? Would you cheat on someone you cared about? Would you hit someone you cared about? Where is respect, love, trust, honor, and commitment in today's relationships? Does it exist?

I think this is a good place to stop for this blog. Perhaps, if you are reading this you will do some self analysis and think about what I have said. There is a lot to think about here, I know, but if ALL of us would take something from what I was thinking then perhaps we all would be happier and have more healthy relationships. Thank you for reading yet another blog entry and till next time... Friggen Ben out.