"Courageous" - The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery.
Children from fatherless homes are:
• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes.
(Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census).
• 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes.
• 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes.
(Source: Center for Disease Control).
• 80% of rapist motivated by displaced anger come from fatherless homes.
(Source: Criminal Justice and Behavior, Vol. 14, pp. 403-26).
• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.
(Source: National Principals Assoc. Report on the State of High Schools).
• 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home.
(Source: Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. Of Corrections, 1992).
These statistics translate to mean that children from fatherless homes are:
• 5 times more likely to commit suicide
• 32 times more likely to run away
• 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders
• 14 times more likely to commit rape
• 9 times more likely to drop out of high school
• 20 times more likely to end up in prison
• 7 times to become teenage mothers
• 6 times more likely to be in a state-operated institution
Children who are raised by single mothers are:
• 33 times more likely to be seriously abused (Abuse resulting in medical attention)
• 73 times more likely to be killed.
Wednesday evening, I had "date night" with my fiance. We had a nice dinner at the local Bob Evans restaurant and then proceeded on to the movie theater to watch the movie "Courageous". Neither of us had any idea what the movie was about as we entered the theater, other then the fact the directors were the same ones who directed the movie "Fireproof" a few years ago. We both had seen posts from our friends on Facebook who had recently seen the movie and commented about how good the movie was. So, on a whim we decided to make that our "date night" movie. Now, having seen the movie, I must confess, it was an awesome choice for "date night".
Let me tell you a little bit about the movie. There are absolutely NO known actors in this movie. If you are expecting to watch this movie in hopes of seeing a well known actor, then this is not the movie for you. The lack of well known actors has no impact on the movie itself an in all honesty, I think the movie being made with relatively unknown actors, made the movie that much more enjoyable and added to the story unfolding on the screen. This movie is also very spiritual with a lot of religious undertones, and it also has a very Christian and real world message.
The movie itself is based in Georgia, and follows the lives' of 4 police officers, and a blue collar worker. It portrays the challenges that each of these 5 men and their families face. So as not to give anything away in the movie I will leave it at that. No spoilers from me. To make a long story short, events in the movie lead one of the officers to do some real soul searching and to make a commitment to his family and his friends agree to make the same commitments. The movie is powerful and it really touches the heartstrings of men, and fathers in general. I encourage any man, especially those that are fathers to go and see this movie.
My review of the movie certainly does not give it justice, and is not a very revealing review of the storyline, but I feel to reveal details will ruin the experience of the movie. It's just one of those movies that you have to watch to appreciate the left out details in a review. As I mentioned before, this movie had a VERY powerful message, and it really left me with a lot of mixed up emotions and void. It made me do a lot of soul searching, and as I write this blog, I am still searching for the answers to some of the personal questions I am asking myself as a direct result of this movie.
As a father, I often wonder if I am making the right decisions with my kids. As a father I am faced with an unusual situation in that out of my 4 children, only one of them lives with me. My oldest, my daughter, is the child that lives with me, and I often wonder if she isn't the most challenging of all of my kids to raise. She is a Freshman in High School, very outgoing, and with hormones raging very much boy crazy. At 15, I am torn with the decision to let her have a boyfriend. She has a boyfriend. A boyfriend in title more then what we, as adults, would consider a "relationship". I don't think that she is ready for a relationship that is actively involved with a young man, and I don't think there will ever be a young man out there that will ever be good enough to be in a relationship with her in my eyes. LOL
I mentioned a commitment that the men in the movie made to their family. This was the commitment they made to their families:
The Resolution Message:
"I do solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children. I WILL love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home. I WILL be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her, and be willing to lay down my life for her as Jesus Christ did for me. I WILL bless my children and teach them to love God with all of their hearts, all of their minds, and all of their strength. I WILL train them to honor authority and live responsibly. I WILL confront evil, pursue justice, and love mercy. I WILL pray for others and treat them with kindness, respect, and compassion. I WILL work diligently to provide for the needs of my family. I WILL forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged. I WILL learn from my mistakes, repent of my sins, and walk with integrity as a man answerable to God. I WILL seek to honor God, be faithful to His church, obey His Word, and do His will. I WILL courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill this resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. --Joshua 24:15"
Upon hearing this commitment to the families in this movie, I almost immediately began to question myself and doubt myself. Am I doing these things? Can I do these things? Will I do these things? Why have I not been doing these things? Where do I go from here now that I am a failure at some of these things? After a lot of soul searching, there is a lot more involvement and emotional baggage I have to work through before I could EVER make a commitment to my family like this. Having been raised in the church through my adolescent years and well into my teenage and early adult years I have a foundation and a base of knowledge of the Bible, God, and all things religious. However, I have turned my back on that aspect of my life a number of years ago and I have never looked back. For a long time I have had no desire to pursue that aspect of my life, for personal reasons. I would explain my position but that in and of itself is most certainly a whole other blog post and this one is beginning to become quite lengthy.
This movie, "Courageous", has opened a door inside me to re-evaluate that decision to turn my back on God. While, I am not ready to jump back into a church and all of that I will continue my self evaluation and begin to work through the struggles that led me away from that aspect of my life years ago. I have to start somewhere and I have enough confidence in myself to know that I will be able to work through some of the struggles. I have renewed interest and desire with opening new doors with my family as we enter into our new marriage in three weeks. Time for change and new directions.
While I cannot be the man that this commitment declares by currently being a Godly man, I do commit to be a faithful husband, and father. I solemnly resolve to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children. I will love them, protect them, and serve them. I will be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her, and be willing to lay down my life for her. I will train my children to honor and respect authority and to live responsibly. I WILL confront evil, pursue justice, and love mercy. I WILL treat others with kindness, respect, and compassion. I WILL work diligently to provide for the needs of my family. I WILL forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged. I WILL learn from my mistakes, repent of my sins, and walk with integrity as a man answerable to God. I WILL work through my struggles and seek to honor God, obey His Word, and do His will. I WILL courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill this resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory. I will begin to seek God in everything I do. I WILL give my struggles to God and pray that I can overcome the obstacles that have kept me away for so long. This is my promise and commitment to MY family.
I feel that this is only the right thing to do. Obviously my commitment is not the word for word commitment that was used in the movie. It is modified currently because of my current situation with religion as a whole. I am committed to working on this aspect of my life though and I will do everything I can to become a man that God sees favor in. I have a lot of work ahead of me and a lot of things to work through. I ask that you pray for me to find the answers I search for and for clarity to work through the things I need to overcome.
In closing, I challenge all the men and fathers who read this, are you "Courageous"? Are you willing to make a commitment to YOUR families? What's holding you back? What do you need to work through in order to make the same commitment I am now making to my family? I encourage you to watch the movie. It quite possibly has changed my life. I have made the commitment. Hold me accountable. I am and always will be "Courageous".
Friday, October 21, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Pre-Wedding Thoughts and Comments
24 days. 576 hours. 34,560 minutes. I am sure by now you are asking yourself, "What in the world is he counting down?" That's the time left until Friday, November 11th, 2011 at 6:00 PM. While this day may be of little importance to the rest of the world aside from it being one of those "freaky days" with the matching numerical calendar days, it will be my wedding day to the woman I have been with a little over a year now. The woman who I love very much and am thankful for every day.
It all started in a stalkerish manner. (Yes stalkerish is a new word I think I just made up) A random post on Facebook by Jill, about her having a crappy day, lead to my nosey self pulling up her Facebook page on my computer to see if she had a cell phone listed in her contacts. To my surprise she did have a cell phone listed. I decided to send her a random text message of encouragement to try and brighten her day. That simple act of kindness, in an attempt to cheer her up, albeit somewhat stalkerish, generated further discussion between us. The simple act of kindness was returned a couple days later when I posted about a crappy day on my Facebook page and a message was received on my phone to try and cheer me up.
Thus began the talking via text messages, phone calls, Facebook chat, Yahoo chat, and the "date" to meet at the TYger vs Clearfork football game on Friday night. I believe the date of the official football game was September 10th, 2010. Somewhere through the last year we decided on an "official" anniversary date of September 14th. I am not sure where that number came from, but I know by September 14th, 2010, we both knew that our lives were going to change for the better.
My life was changed in many ways between September 14th, 2010 and November 9th, 2010. I met the most amazing woman that I had ever met in my entire life. We share a lot of the same interests and dreams. We enjoy each other's company, and to this day I cannot ever imagine spending the rest of my life without her and her son Tyson, who I think is probably one of the coolest kids I have ever met, aside from my own of course. As many of you know November 9th, 2010 was the day I had bariatric weight loss surgery.
My daughter and I moved in with Jill and Tyson one week before my surgery. We had talked about this "big step" for a few weeks and to begin with we had set a "tentative" move date of sometime after the 1st of the year for this big move to happen. This all changed as I finished all of my pre-surgical appointments and things seemed as though they were going to be pretty crazy after my surgery. It just seemed easier for everyone involved for the move to happen before the surgery, and it made being together with Jill so much easier as well.
Over the last year, our relationship has blossomed into something that at one point in my life I thought I would never have again. The surgery has made me a better person, both physically and mentally as my body has changed so has my mind. My self esteem has improved and Jill is a big contributor to that as much as the changes to my body. I believe that going through the surgery as well as life's' struggles the last year has brought us closer together as a couple.
I won't sit here and tell anyone that I wanted to get married, because truthfully I was sold on the idea that I never wanted to get married ever again after my marriage ended so abruptly and was such an emotional train wreck for me. I honestly believed I could never love someone again with the fear of getting hurt, and that someone would truly ever love me. I have admitted trust issues that Jill has been very patient with and has helped me to overcome. She is the most trusting person I know even when she is doubting me. I know I can trust her 100% about anything. We have awesome communication and we can talk to each other about anything.
Over the last year, I have had the pleasure of getting to know a woman that truly loves ME for ME. She began this relationship with a 375 pound fat man, with no self esteem, trust issues, who felt like his life was going no where. I was the definition of living a pity party. She has stood by my side since the day we first kissed, or held hands and she has never looked back. She has brought the best out in me and helped me to realize that she loves me for who I am, and she supports me for who I want to be. Because of this support and love I can with a heart of love say I am ready to be married again... for the last time... to a woman who loves me with all of her heart, body, and soul.
I could go on and on about how amazing Jill is, but this is a blog about me after all. She is my life so I suppose I could probably write a blog about her every day for the rest of my life but I am sure no one would want to read about that. Through the last year I have lost 145 pounds. I weigh 230 pounds. I joke with myself and say that I lost 145 pounds of baggage, but the truth is I think I really did. I have emerged as a new man. I feel great, Better then I have in almost 10 years. My back doesn't hurt anymore, my feet don't hurt anymore, my blood pressure is practically normal with minimal meds, and I no longer require the use of my CPAP breathing machine as the sleep apnea has ceased to be a problem. I wear size 38-40 pants, where I used to wear size 52+. I wear XXL shirts now where I once wore 5XL and 6XL shirts. I even lost a full shoe size, going from a size 12 to a size 11. Feels good to share my successes.
So in 24 days, 576 hours, 34,560 minutes I will be standing in front of a church full of family and friends to take the hand of the woman I love in marriage, to begin the next chapter of my life. I am a new man in more ways then one. I could not ever dream of having anymore happiness in my life then I have now. Thank you to everyone who has supported me through my trials the last few years. It means a lot to me. Till next time I blog again. Have a good week.
It all started in a stalkerish manner. (Yes stalkerish is a new word I think I just made up) A random post on Facebook by Jill, about her having a crappy day, lead to my nosey self pulling up her Facebook page on my computer to see if she had a cell phone listed in her contacts. To my surprise she did have a cell phone listed. I decided to send her a random text message of encouragement to try and brighten her day. That simple act of kindness, in an attempt to cheer her up, albeit somewhat stalkerish, generated further discussion between us. The simple act of kindness was returned a couple days later when I posted about a crappy day on my Facebook page and a message was received on my phone to try and cheer me up.
Thus began the talking via text messages, phone calls, Facebook chat, Yahoo chat, and the "date" to meet at the TYger vs Clearfork football game on Friday night. I believe the date of the official football game was September 10th, 2010. Somewhere through the last year we decided on an "official" anniversary date of September 14th. I am not sure where that number came from, but I know by September 14th, 2010, we both knew that our lives were going to change for the better.
My life was changed in many ways between September 14th, 2010 and November 9th, 2010. I met the most amazing woman that I had ever met in my entire life. We share a lot of the same interests and dreams. We enjoy each other's company, and to this day I cannot ever imagine spending the rest of my life without her and her son Tyson, who I think is probably one of the coolest kids I have ever met, aside from my own of course. As many of you know November 9th, 2010 was the day I had bariatric weight loss surgery.
My daughter and I moved in with Jill and Tyson one week before my surgery. We had talked about this "big step" for a few weeks and to begin with we had set a "tentative" move date of sometime after the 1st of the year for this big move to happen. This all changed as I finished all of my pre-surgical appointments and things seemed as though they were going to be pretty crazy after my surgery. It just seemed easier for everyone involved for the move to happen before the surgery, and it made being together with Jill so much easier as well.
Over the last year, our relationship has blossomed into something that at one point in my life I thought I would never have again. The surgery has made me a better person, both physically and mentally as my body has changed so has my mind. My self esteem has improved and Jill is a big contributor to that as much as the changes to my body. I believe that going through the surgery as well as life's' struggles the last year has brought us closer together as a couple.
I won't sit here and tell anyone that I wanted to get married, because truthfully I was sold on the idea that I never wanted to get married ever again after my marriage ended so abruptly and was such an emotional train wreck for me. I honestly believed I could never love someone again with the fear of getting hurt, and that someone would truly ever love me. I have admitted trust issues that Jill has been very patient with and has helped me to overcome. She is the most trusting person I know even when she is doubting me. I know I can trust her 100% about anything. We have awesome communication and we can talk to each other about anything.
Over the last year, I have had the pleasure of getting to know a woman that truly loves ME for ME. She began this relationship with a 375 pound fat man, with no self esteem, trust issues, who felt like his life was going no where. I was the definition of living a pity party. She has stood by my side since the day we first kissed, or held hands and she has never looked back. She has brought the best out in me and helped me to realize that she loves me for who I am, and she supports me for who I want to be. Because of this support and love I can with a heart of love say I am ready to be married again... for the last time... to a woman who loves me with all of her heart, body, and soul.
I could go on and on about how amazing Jill is, but this is a blog about me after all. She is my life so I suppose I could probably write a blog about her every day for the rest of my life but I am sure no one would want to read about that. Through the last year I have lost 145 pounds. I weigh 230 pounds. I joke with myself and say that I lost 145 pounds of baggage, but the truth is I think I really did. I have emerged as a new man. I feel great, Better then I have in almost 10 years. My back doesn't hurt anymore, my feet don't hurt anymore, my blood pressure is practically normal with minimal meds, and I no longer require the use of my CPAP breathing machine as the sleep apnea has ceased to be a problem. I wear size 38-40 pants, where I used to wear size 52+. I wear XXL shirts now where I once wore 5XL and 6XL shirts. I even lost a full shoe size, going from a size 12 to a size 11. Feels good to share my successes.
So in 24 days, 576 hours, 34,560 minutes I will be standing in front of a church full of family and friends to take the hand of the woman I love in marriage, to begin the next chapter of my life. I am a new man in more ways then one. I could not ever dream of having anymore happiness in my life then I have now. Thank you to everyone who has supported me through my trials the last few years. It means a lot to me. Till next time I blog again. Have a good week.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Relfections of September 11th - The 10 year Anniversary
As I sit here at my desk on Tuesday, September 12th, 2011, I can feel the warmth of the sun coming through the window heating my skin and my desk with yellow brightness that only the sun can provide. The sky is an amazing shade of blue today without a cloud to be seen for miles. It reminds me a lot of the days following the tragic events 10 years ago. Yesterday morning was very similar to September 11th, 2001 in that the day began as a beautiful fall morning.
I spent the better part of my Sunday reflecting on the tragic events 10 years ago. The day that will forever be etched into my mind as being the most tragic thing I ever witnessed as 2,996 men, women, and children died in the attacks on the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and on Flight 93 in Pennsylvania. I watched in silence as the families of those lost in the events read the names of their loved ones on National television, and as they had several moments of silences to mark the moments the planes hit the towers and the Pentagon, and the field in Pennsylvania. A person can only watch for so long as the widows and widowers, the fatherless and motherless children, the parents, the cousins, the uncles, the aunts, and the friends of these much beloved victims, before you just have to walk away. That’s exactly what I had to do. I turned the television off and walked away.
I am not ashamed of the fact that I get teary eyed at emotional things. I think I, like many Americans, shed a few tears during the day yesterday. I know I shed my fair share of tears 10 years ago as well. The fact that we just didn’t know what was next was in itself very intimidating. I had 3 young children and a young wife and I was only 25 years old. I watched my fellow Americans perish in a terrorist attack on AMERICAN SOIL. Time stood still if only for a couple days. People were just a little more friendly in the days following the attacks. The United States of America pulled together, for a time, and as a nation the feeling was very patriotic and everyone was a little friendlier.
The last 10 years have left a void in the nation. What brought us together has long since been forgotten. We have a new President now. A President, who had a lot of promise and offered “Change”, and who has allowed the nation to cross a racial boundary and overlook the color of ones skin. The financial crisis climaxed in the last few years and our current President was caught up in the mess and has suffered as a result. The world is struggling financially even now. Times are very tough for everyone. It’s a global problem. Wars are raging, unemployment is skyrocketing, and natural disasters are occurring and it’s a global crisis. It’s not Obama’s fault, it’s not Bush’s fault, it’s OUR fault as residents and citizens of Earth.
You can turn the news on any time of the day and see some loud mouthed newscaster on a soapbox pointing fingers at who they believe is at fault for the current state of affairs of the country. You can read articles in the newspaper of your choice and see much the same thing. Why are we pointing fingers? Why are we trying to place the blame for the current state of our nation on someone else? I was always taught from an early age, when I point my finger at someone there is 3 fingers pointing back at me. What’s that tell us? I am pretty sure WE the people of America are to blame for EVERYTHING that we are currently dealing with as a nation.
We have troops in Afghanistan. We have troops in Iraq. I am sure we have troops in other places around the world as well but Afghanistan and Iraq are the “important ones” that you hear about on a daily basis. What are they fighting for exactly? Osama Bin Laden is dead. The mastermind behind the attacks on September 11th, 2001 is dead and has been dead since May 1st, 2011. They are “defending our country”, they are “protecting us from terrorists”, and “they are finishing what we started” are the answers to the questions by most of the newscasters and the government officials when asked.
The sad truth about September 11th, 2001 is that terrorists came into the United States of America LEGALLY; boarded air planes bound for various destinations in the U.S. LEGALLY, and hijacked those planes to carry out their evil plots. What people don’t realize today, ten years later is that terrorist can STILL come into this country legally and if they desired can still conduct their evil mission. The FBI, the CIA, and Homeland Security as well as the TSA have made it a little more difficult for them to come into the country and certainly they have made it more difficult to hijack an airplane but it can still happen, and most likely WILL happen again.
Does a horrible tragedy like September 11th, 2001 have to be the factor for American citizens to pull together as one? Have you forgotten what it felt like when we came under attack 10 years ago? What is different now then 10 years ago? Why have we become so willing to accept normalcy and “live life as usual” and “live in the moment”? Why are we no longer patriotic and willing to help our neighbors out and show them support when we are all the victims as a nation? What is important to you?
In the coming days I encourage each and every one of you who read this blog to take a moment and reflect as I did if you haven’t done so already. Why does it take a special 10 year anniversary show on television to trigger the emotions that we should feel every day? Why do we have to be reminded what we lost when we should keep it close to our hearts everyday as a constant reminder of our freedom. We are a part of the greatest nation on earth. Our forefathers made this great nation and I have to ask myself, would they be proud of what we have become? Would they be proud of how we conduct ourselves as citizens of this nation?
I am proud to be an American. I am proud of the men and women who serve in the military to defend my freedoms and who are proud representatives of the greatest nation on this planet. Their selfless sacrifice does not go unnoticed. I am thankful for them. I am also proud of the men and women in law enforcement and the men and women who are firefighters, and first responders. They do their jobs with bravery and with dedication to their communities. Without them the world we live in would be a horrible place. Thank you for everything you do and everything you continue to do to make each of our communities a better and safer place to live. Let us all NEVER forget September 11th, 2001. They are gone but NEVER forgotten. God bless America. Let Freedom Ring!!
I spent the better part of my Sunday reflecting on the tragic events 10 years ago. The day that will forever be etched into my mind as being the most tragic thing I ever witnessed as 2,996 men, women, and children died in the attacks on the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and on Flight 93 in Pennsylvania. I watched in silence as the families of those lost in the events read the names of their loved ones on National television, and as they had several moments of silences to mark the moments the planes hit the towers and the Pentagon, and the field in Pennsylvania. A person can only watch for so long as the widows and widowers, the fatherless and motherless children, the parents, the cousins, the uncles, the aunts, and the friends of these much beloved victims, before you just have to walk away. That’s exactly what I had to do. I turned the television off and walked away.
I am not ashamed of the fact that I get teary eyed at emotional things. I think I, like many Americans, shed a few tears during the day yesterday. I know I shed my fair share of tears 10 years ago as well. The fact that we just didn’t know what was next was in itself very intimidating. I had 3 young children and a young wife and I was only 25 years old. I watched my fellow Americans perish in a terrorist attack on AMERICAN SOIL. Time stood still if only for a couple days. People were just a little more friendly in the days following the attacks. The United States of America pulled together, for a time, and as a nation the feeling was very patriotic and everyone was a little friendlier.
The last 10 years have left a void in the nation. What brought us together has long since been forgotten. We have a new President now. A President, who had a lot of promise and offered “Change”, and who has allowed the nation to cross a racial boundary and overlook the color of ones skin. The financial crisis climaxed in the last few years and our current President was caught up in the mess and has suffered as a result. The world is struggling financially even now. Times are very tough for everyone. It’s a global problem. Wars are raging, unemployment is skyrocketing, and natural disasters are occurring and it’s a global crisis. It’s not Obama’s fault, it’s not Bush’s fault, it’s OUR fault as residents and citizens of Earth.
You can turn the news on any time of the day and see some loud mouthed newscaster on a soapbox pointing fingers at who they believe is at fault for the current state of affairs of the country. You can read articles in the newspaper of your choice and see much the same thing. Why are we pointing fingers? Why are we trying to place the blame for the current state of our nation on someone else? I was always taught from an early age, when I point my finger at someone there is 3 fingers pointing back at me. What’s that tell us? I am pretty sure WE the people of America are to blame for EVERYTHING that we are currently dealing with as a nation.
We have troops in Afghanistan. We have troops in Iraq. I am sure we have troops in other places around the world as well but Afghanistan and Iraq are the “important ones” that you hear about on a daily basis. What are they fighting for exactly? Osama Bin Laden is dead. The mastermind behind the attacks on September 11th, 2001 is dead and has been dead since May 1st, 2011. They are “defending our country”, they are “protecting us from terrorists”, and “they are finishing what we started” are the answers to the questions by most of the newscasters and the government officials when asked.
The sad truth about September 11th, 2001 is that terrorists came into the United States of America LEGALLY; boarded air planes bound for various destinations in the U.S. LEGALLY, and hijacked those planes to carry out their evil plots. What people don’t realize today, ten years later is that terrorist can STILL come into this country legally and if they desired can still conduct their evil mission. The FBI, the CIA, and Homeland Security as well as the TSA have made it a little more difficult for them to come into the country and certainly they have made it more difficult to hijack an airplane but it can still happen, and most likely WILL happen again.
Does a horrible tragedy like September 11th, 2001 have to be the factor for American citizens to pull together as one? Have you forgotten what it felt like when we came under attack 10 years ago? What is different now then 10 years ago? Why have we become so willing to accept normalcy and “live life as usual” and “live in the moment”? Why are we no longer patriotic and willing to help our neighbors out and show them support when we are all the victims as a nation? What is important to you?
In the coming days I encourage each and every one of you who read this blog to take a moment and reflect as I did if you haven’t done so already. Why does it take a special 10 year anniversary show on television to trigger the emotions that we should feel every day? Why do we have to be reminded what we lost when we should keep it close to our hearts everyday as a constant reminder of our freedom. We are a part of the greatest nation on earth. Our forefathers made this great nation and I have to ask myself, would they be proud of what we have become? Would they be proud of how we conduct ourselves as citizens of this nation?
I am proud to be an American. I am proud of the men and women who serve in the military to defend my freedoms and who are proud representatives of the greatest nation on this planet. Their selfless sacrifice does not go unnoticed. I am thankful for them. I am also proud of the men and women in law enforcement and the men and women who are firefighters, and first responders. They do their jobs with bravery and with dedication to their communities. Without them the world we live in would be a horrible place. Thank you for everything you do and everything you continue to do to make each of our communities a better and safer place to live. Let us all NEVER forget September 11th, 2001. They are gone but NEVER forgotten. God bless America. Let Freedom Ring!!
Monday, May 2, 2011
It's a GREAT day for America everybody!!!!!
It's a great day for America everybody!!!! This sentence has been used in the opening monologue by Craig Ferguson of the CBS Late Late Show EVERY night for the last six and a half years. Sunday, May 1st, 2011 will go down as "A Great Day in America" for many years to come. The night that Osama Bin Laden was assassinated by a Special Operations Unit being labeled ST6. (Seal Team 6) Unfortunately, they don't exist, you never saw them, and nothing happened on Sunday, May 1st, 2011.
This is a joyous occasion but I am appalled at the Americans who are calling "foul". The conspiracy theorist are out in full force not even 24 hours after this Top Secret Mission was completed. People are so frustrated and angry at President Obama that they can't look over their anger and frustration to believe what our Commander in Chief has managed to get accomplished. It has taken 10 years to bring justice to the men, women and children who paid the ultimate price for the actions of Osama Bin Laden, and yet there are Americans who would rather sit around and complain that the Government is pulling the wool over the eyes of the American people instead of rejoicing in a Mission Completed and a job well done.
I have read comments on Facebook and Twitter where people are questioning why did we "bury" Osama Bin Laden at sea? Well folks, no country wanted to accept his body. Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, and even Pakistan was offered the body of Osama Bin Laden and all refused. As a Muslim it is customary for the body of one who has died to be placed to rest within 24 hours of death. The United States took the necessary steps to honor the religious beliefs of this man even though we don't feel as though he deserved ANY respect for what he did. Since no country accepted Osama Bin Laden's body the US Navy provided him a sea burial and a proper Muslim funeral.
Why did they not keep him to show as proof of his death? What would you have us do? Bring a naval ship all the way back to the United States so we can put the corpse of Osama Bin Laden on display in Washington D.C. or in a museum in New York City? Is it not 2011? Are we no greater civilized then some of the countries we find ourselves fighting wars in? What would putting the corpse of a dead terrorist on display do for the United States of America? Would it make YOU feel better? Would it send a message to someone? The only message that comes to mind that it sends me is that we are an un-civilized country who wishes to continue barbaric practices to satisfy our own barbaric feelings. The man is dead, he committed heinous crimes against our country and he paid for his deeds with his life. An eye for an eye. End of story.
Where are the videos of his death? I want pictures!! I demand to see his dead body!! Really? What does it do for you to see the body of Osama Bin Laden, or the video of Navy S.E.A.L. shooting this man in the head? Do you really want to see that? I am sure there is substantial video as well as photographs of Osama Bin Laden. Ultimately, it is up to President Obama if he wishes to release the photographs to the public. These types of questions go hand in hand with my previous statement about the barbarian thinking that is welling up in the majority of the public.
This is just another Government cover-up and Osama Bin Laden is alive and in hiding in a Government funded protective house. If you truly believe that then perhaps you should consider finding another country to live in. I mean seriously, we can chalk this one up to the theories that the Government had the World Trade Center destroyed, as well as the Pentagon. It just makes no sense.
The President only did this now to get re-elected in 2012. I will go on the record to state that this issue is debatable. We are a long ways away from campaign time. This very well could be a distant memory in many Americans mind by the time the campaign trail begins. I am still in favor of Obama myself. I voted for him. I like what he has accomplished of late. I do not like EVERYTHING he has done while in office, but the good far outweighs the bad in my eyes.
I am sure by now everyone knows I can go on and on with conspiracy theories concerning the death of Osama Bin Laden. This post is not about politics or even to START conspiracy theories. The purpose in this blog is to encourage each and every one of us to think outside the box a little and look at the bigger picture for a minute. Monday, May 2nd 2011 is a day that I am proud to be an American. I am and always have been proud to be an American citizen. When the Government makes awesome decisions to seek justice for wrong doing against our citizens and our military men and women complete their mission to perfection without any loss of life of our service personnel I am HAPPY and I am PROUD of the jobs they do.
I know where I was ten years ago on September 11th, 2001. I remember the day very clearly and I am still saddened that our country was attacked by foreign group of men. The vows made by then President George Bush to seek those responsible were made and I knew that, we, as Americans would SOMEDAY find those responsible and bring justice to those who lost their lives. That happened last night. The Obama administration gave an order to our service men and women to KILL the man who was responsible for those deaths. Let's not take anything away from what's REALLY important in this. Who cares if we dumped him in the ocean, who cares if they didn't take a picture, who cares if this gives Obama 10 popularity points in the next election... what's really important is that the US Military, The Government of the United States of America, the CIA, The National Security team, and finally the Administration of President Obama brought justice to the American people, and they did so without loss of life of MORE American people. I am proud of ALL of them and again PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN. GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!
This is a joyous occasion but I am appalled at the Americans who are calling "foul". The conspiracy theorist are out in full force not even 24 hours after this Top Secret Mission was completed. People are so frustrated and angry at President Obama that they can't look over their anger and frustration to believe what our Commander in Chief has managed to get accomplished. It has taken 10 years to bring justice to the men, women and children who paid the ultimate price for the actions of Osama Bin Laden, and yet there are Americans who would rather sit around and complain that the Government is pulling the wool over the eyes of the American people instead of rejoicing in a Mission Completed and a job well done.
I have read comments on Facebook and Twitter where people are questioning why did we "bury" Osama Bin Laden at sea? Well folks, no country wanted to accept his body. Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, and even Pakistan was offered the body of Osama Bin Laden and all refused. As a Muslim it is customary for the body of one who has died to be placed to rest within 24 hours of death. The United States took the necessary steps to honor the religious beliefs of this man even though we don't feel as though he deserved ANY respect for what he did. Since no country accepted Osama Bin Laden's body the US Navy provided him a sea burial and a proper Muslim funeral.
Why did they not keep him to show as proof of his death? What would you have us do? Bring a naval ship all the way back to the United States so we can put the corpse of Osama Bin Laden on display in Washington D.C. or in a museum in New York City? Is it not 2011? Are we no greater civilized then some of the countries we find ourselves fighting wars in? What would putting the corpse of a dead terrorist on display do for the United States of America? Would it make YOU feel better? Would it send a message to someone? The only message that comes to mind that it sends me is that we are an un-civilized country who wishes to continue barbaric practices to satisfy our own barbaric feelings. The man is dead, he committed heinous crimes against our country and he paid for his deeds with his life. An eye for an eye. End of story.
Where are the videos of his death? I want pictures!! I demand to see his dead body!! Really? What does it do for you to see the body of Osama Bin Laden, or the video of Navy S.E.A.L. shooting this man in the head? Do you really want to see that? I am sure there is substantial video as well as photographs of Osama Bin Laden. Ultimately, it is up to President Obama if he wishes to release the photographs to the public. These types of questions go hand in hand with my previous statement about the barbarian thinking that is welling up in the majority of the public.
This is just another Government cover-up and Osama Bin Laden is alive and in hiding in a Government funded protective house. If you truly believe that then perhaps you should consider finding another country to live in. I mean seriously, we can chalk this one up to the theories that the Government had the World Trade Center destroyed, as well as the Pentagon. It just makes no sense.
The President only did this now to get re-elected in 2012. I will go on the record to state that this issue is debatable. We are a long ways away from campaign time. This very well could be a distant memory in many Americans mind by the time the campaign trail begins. I am still in favor of Obama myself. I voted for him. I like what he has accomplished of late. I do not like EVERYTHING he has done while in office, but the good far outweighs the bad in my eyes.
I am sure by now everyone knows I can go on and on with conspiracy theories concerning the death of Osama Bin Laden. This post is not about politics or even to START conspiracy theories. The purpose in this blog is to encourage each and every one of us to think outside the box a little and look at the bigger picture for a minute. Monday, May 2nd 2011 is a day that I am proud to be an American. I am and always have been proud to be an American citizen. When the Government makes awesome decisions to seek justice for wrong doing against our citizens and our military men and women complete their mission to perfection without any loss of life of our service personnel I am HAPPY and I am PROUD of the jobs they do.
I know where I was ten years ago on September 11th, 2001. I remember the day very clearly and I am still saddened that our country was attacked by foreign group of men. The vows made by then President George Bush to seek those responsible were made and I knew that, we, as Americans would SOMEDAY find those responsible and bring justice to those who lost their lives. That happened last night. The Obama administration gave an order to our service men and women to KILL the man who was responsible for those deaths. Let's not take anything away from what's REALLY important in this. Who cares if we dumped him in the ocean, who cares if they didn't take a picture, who cares if this gives Obama 10 popularity points in the next election... what's really important is that the US Military, The Government of the United States of America, the CIA, The National Security team, and finally the Administration of President Obama brought justice to the American people, and they did so without loss of life of MORE American people. I am proud of ALL of them and again PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN. GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!
Monday, April 25, 2011
"Re-Branding" of the Blog from The Mind of Friggen Ben to The Mind of The Incredible Shrinking Man
As most of my loyal readers know, I originally had this blog named, "The Mind of Friggen Ben". Friggen Ben was the name by which I identified myself as on my Internet radio show which I hosted for nearly two and a half years. I have not hosted my show in over a year and have finally decided to retire from the broadcasting altogether.
In the last few months I have undergone some exciting changes that have and WILL ultimately change my life. On November 9th, 2010 I underwent gastric bypass weight loss surgery. This was a necessary step for my health, my life, and my existence. I was in very poor health and my daily life was very limited and my quality of life was suffering terribly. During this time, I also met a very amazing woman who I can now proudly call my fiance.
So for a man, who at the beginning of my weight loss journey, weighed in at 375 pounds. Who wore a size 56 pants. Who wore a 5XL and a 6XL shirt. Who had a BMI index rating of 53. Who had sleep apnea, high blood pressure, bouts of gout and degenerative arthritis. I can proudly say I currently weigh 260 pounds. I wear a size 40-42 pants. I wear a 2XL shirt. I NOW have a BMI index rating of 38. No longer have the sleep apnea, have much lower blood pressure, and have not had a flare up of gout or degenerative arthritis for several months. I am well on my way to the goal I had set for myself of 200 pounds.
With my engagement to Jill, we have been planning a wedding for several months now. We officially began our relationship on September 14th, 2010. We are set to be married on Friday, November 11th, 2011 at 6:00PM. Almost, the 1 year anniversary for my surgery. The day will be very emotional for me in so many ways. Not just the fact that I have found the love of my life who makes me so happy, and the fact that I now have someone to spend the rest of my life with, BUT, the fact that I will have made it a year since my life changing decision and surgery and Jill will have been there with me for the entire journey.
So, I come once more to share in the journeys ahead with each and every one of you. It's no longer "The Mind of Friggen Ben".... it shall now be known as "The Mind of The Incredible Shrinking Man". I hope you all will join me in the journeys that lie ahead. I will try and blog more often in the coming months. I have such a busy life now with work and activities outside of work with all of the energy I now have with my weight loss. Updates will come and I will post them on Facebook when I do. For now, I am The Incredible Shrinking Man. Happy Spring!!!
In the last few months I have undergone some exciting changes that have and WILL ultimately change my life. On November 9th, 2010 I underwent gastric bypass weight loss surgery. This was a necessary step for my health, my life, and my existence. I was in very poor health and my daily life was very limited and my quality of life was suffering terribly. During this time, I also met a very amazing woman who I can now proudly call my fiance.
So for a man, who at the beginning of my weight loss journey, weighed in at 375 pounds. Who wore a size 56 pants. Who wore a 5XL and a 6XL shirt. Who had a BMI index rating of 53. Who had sleep apnea, high blood pressure, bouts of gout and degenerative arthritis. I can proudly say I currently weigh 260 pounds. I wear a size 40-42 pants. I wear a 2XL shirt. I NOW have a BMI index rating of 38. No longer have the sleep apnea, have much lower blood pressure, and have not had a flare up of gout or degenerative arthritis for several months. I am well on my way to the goal I had set for myself of 200 pounds.
With my engagement to Jill, we have been planning a wedding for several months now. We officially began our relationship on September 14th, 2010. We are set to be married on Friday, November 11th, 2011 at 6:00PM. Almost, the 1 year anniversary for my surgery. The day will be very emotional for me in so many ways. Not just the fact that I have found the love of my life who makes me so happy, and the fact that I now have someone to spend the rest of my life with, BUT, the fact that I will have made it a year since my life changing decision and surgery and Jill will have been there with me for the entire journey.
So, I come once more to share in the journeys ahead with each and every one of you. It's no longer "The Mind of Friggen Ben".... it shall now be known as "The Mind of The Incredible Shrinking Man". I hope you all will join me in the journeys that lie ahead. I will try and blog more often in the coming months. I have such a busy life now with work and activities outside of work with all of the energy I now have with my weight loss. Updates will come and I will post them on Facebook when I do. For now, I am The Incredible Shrinking Man. Happy Spring!!!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Surgery with Current Thoughts and Feelings
The day began in a surgical waiting area, nervously chatting with my daughter and Jill about casual things and putting on a remarkable show of "Nothings wrong". My grandmother and aunt arrived within the first 25 minutes or so and more putting on a show and chatting casually with them while I waited for my name to be called to be taken to the surgery prep room. One person could go with me to this room. I don't know where to even begin to share what was REALLY going through my mind at this point. The best way I can explain this is a death row inmate waiting for the guard to lead him to the execution room.
As I patiently waited for my mom and step-dad to arrive.. my name was called. A nice nurse, (who was slightly goofy), read off my name and asked me my birth date. We turned a few corners, boarded an elevator to a destination I cannot remember, hopped on a scale and weighed in at 347 lbs (Beginning weight of this process was 373 lbs), and then was led to my own little room, if you wanna call it that. Here I am instructed to strip down to nothing and put the dreaded gown on that shows my ass to the world. Everything began to go in fast forward at this point. The anesthesiologist came in and started the IV in my hand and I must say he did a remarkable job and I barely felt it. The next thing was panty hose on my legs... really??!?!
Finally they were done prepping me for surgery. The nurse went and got the rest of my family to visit with me one last time before surgery. My mom and step-dad had finally arrives and of course Jill was by my side through this entire process, and I am sure she was having a giggle or two as they prepped me for surgery. After a prayer, a few kisses and an "I Love You" the time had arrived. Another nurse came to take me to surgery. I was now being wheeled to death row. That's truly what it thought. I was on the verge of tears. I wanted to jump out of the bed and run screaming down the hall... "I changed my mind!!!" but all the hard work that I had put into this was not going to be wasted that easily.
The nurse tried to joke with me and talk to me as she carefully steered my bed through the halls of Riverside Hospital. Then we arrived at the operating room, where I was asked my name and birthday as well as what procedure I was having done. I was somewhat concerned by the last question, as I quietly thought to myself.. "You don't know what you are about to do to me?!!?" I am sure they just ask to make sure you are coherent enough to answer basic questions. I was then asked to climb onto the operating table where they made me VERY comfortable and covered me in the WARMEST blankets EVER and all my fears began to melt. The anesthesiologist began talking to me and he must have been administering his special juice because it was then I fell asleep.
Recovery was awful. I dry heaved at least five times as there was nothing in my NEW stomach to vomit. They gave me medicine to stop the vomiting or lack thereof if you will. I spent the next two hours with a nice nurse who was very compassionate and who quietly talked to me off an on and asked how I was. Our time was short as I was wheeled to my room on the eighth floor. Waiting there was my mom, Jill, and Bethany. I don't remember much about about my first few hours other then the nurse coming in and taking my temperature and blood pressure.
As evening pressed on I remember Jill being by my side and sitting on my bed beside me. I also remember her feeding me ice as I felt as though I was parched. I love her so much that she would stay there with me all day and feed me ice. Thank you Jill. Thank you for the bear and the card you got me as well. The next day was full of getting out of bed and going for walks around the ward and more poking and prodding from the nurse. Dr. Myers released me about 4 o'clock and I don't remember much of the ride home.
The first week was very rough. The first few days were good because of a pain pump that administered anesthetic every hour to the incisions making my whole stomach numb. Once that was removed everything changed. I was in quite a lot of pain, I felt sick no matter what I drank. The doctor had to call in prescriptions to stop the nausea. I cried a lot and wanted to just give up. I hurt and I missed the easiness of just eating whatever, whenever. I knew I couldn't give up because now my entire life had changed. My stomach is the size of a golfball. There is no going back.
Three weeks of liquids and things that will roll off a spoon is the the first phase which I am currently in. This stage will end on November 30th. Then phase two will begin where I will be able to eat pureed foods. Both phases will require protein drinks to bump up my protein each day. I have to eat 75 grams of protein per day. These two stages will end on December 21st. At that point I will begin to introduce real solid foods back into my daily regimen. Then it's just a life of making sure I am getting all of my proteins and water taken in each day.
People have been messaging me and asking me questions about this process and my thoughts on it. Would I suggest this procedure to someone who is wanting to lose weight? Yes and No. I researched this procedure and thought long and hard about this. It is a drastic lifestyle change. You are basically learning to eat all over again and it is by no means NOT EASY. This is not for everyone and I encourage you to really think it through. So far I have lost about 22 lbs SINCE SURGERY alone. I am close to 330 lbs now. That's in just over a week. The process is working and I know I will lose a lot more before it's all said and done. Would I do it again if given the chance? Absolutely.
I will post more as the weeks progress and I face more adversity and challenges. I am far from the finish line. I thank you for reading my blog and I hope I can be as informative as I can for those that might be considering having this done. If you have questions feel free to message me on Facebook or emailing me. I would be happy to answer any that you might have. Thank you again to everyone who has supported me through all of this and who continues to support me. You all know who you are. I love all of you. Till next time, that's all for now.
As I patiently waited for my mom and step-dad to arrive.. my name was called. A nice nurse, (who was slightly goofy), read off my name and asked me my birth date. We turned a few corners, boarded an elevator to a destination I cannot remember, hopped on a scale and weighed in at 347 lbs (Beginning weight of this process was 373 lbs), and then was led to my own little room, if you wanna call it that. Here I am instructed to strip down to nothing and put the dreaded gown on that shows my ass to the world. Everything began to go in fast forward at this point. The anesthesiologist came in and started the IV in my hand and I must say he did a remarkable job and I barely felt it. The next thing was panty hose on my legs... really??!?!
Finally they were done prepping me for surgery. The nurse went and got the rest of my family to visit with me one last time before surgery. My mom and step-dad had finally arrives and of course Jill was by my side through this entire process, and I am sure she was having a giggle or two as they prepped me for surgery. After a prayer, a few kisses and an "I Love You" the time had arrived. Another nurse came to take me to surgery. I was now being wheeled to death row. That's truly what it thought. I was on the verge of tears. I wanted to jump out of the bed and run screaming down the hall... "I changed my mind!!!" but all the hard work that I had put into this was not going to be wasted that easily.
The nurse tried to joke with me and talk to me as she carefully steered my bed through the halls of Riverside Hospital. Then we arrived at the operating room, where I was asked my name and birthday as well as what procedure I was having done. I was somewhat concerned by the last question, as I quietly thought to myself.. "You don't know what you are about to do to me?!!?" I am sure they just ask to make sure you are coherent enough to answer basic questions. I was then asked to climb onto the operating table where they made me VERY comfortable and covered me in the WARMEST blankets EVER and all my fears began to melt. The anesthesiologist began talking to me and he must have been administering his special juice because it was then I fell asleep.
Recovery was awful. I dry heaved at least five times as there was nothing in my NEW stomach to vomit. They gave me medicine to stop the vomiting or lack thereof if you will. I spent the next two hours with a nice nurse who was very compassionate and who quietly talked to me off an on and asked how I was. Our time was short as I was wheeled to my room on the eighth floor. Waiting there was my mom, Jill, and Bethany. I don't remember much about about my first few hours other then the nurse coming in and taking my temperature and blood pressure.
As evening pressed on I remember Jill being by my side and sitting on my bed beside me. I also remember her feeding me ice as I felt as though I was parched. I love her so much that she would stay there with me all day and feed me ice. Thank you Jill. Thank you for the bear and the card you got me as well. The next day was full of getting out of bed and going for walks around the ward and more poking and prodding from the nurse. Dr. Myers released me about 4 o'clock and I don't remember much of the ride home.
The first week was very rough. The first few days were good because of a pain pump that administered anesthetic every hour to the incisions making my whole stomach numb. Once that was removed everything changed. I was in quite a lot of pain, I felt sick no matter what I drank. The doctor had to call in prescriptions to stop the nausea. I cried a lot and wanted to just give up. I hurt and I missed the easiness of just eating whatever, whenever. I knew I couldn't give up because now my entire life had changed. My stomach is the size of a golfball. There is no going back.
Three weeks of liquids and things that will roll off a spoon is the the first phase which I am currently in. This stage will end on November 30th. Then phase two will begin where I will be able to eat pureed foods. Both phases will require protein drinks to bump up my protein each day. I have to eat 75 grams of protein per day. These two stages will end on December 21st. At that point I will begin to introduce real solid foods back into my daily regimen. Then it's just a life of making sure I am getting all of my proteins and water taken in each day.
People have been messaging me and asking me questions about this process and my thoughts on it. Would I suggest this procedure to someone who is wanting to lose weight? Yes and No. I researched this procedure and thought long and hard about this. It is a drastic lifestyle change. You are basically learning to eat all over again and it is by no means NOT EASY. This is not for everyone and I encourage you to really think it through. So far I have lost about 22 lbs SINCE SURGERY alone. I am close to 330 lbs now. That's in just over a week. The process is working and I know I will lose a lot more before it's all said and done. Would I do it again if given the chance? Absolutely.
I will post more as the weeks progress and I face more adversity and challenges. I am far from the finish line. I thank you for reading my blog and I hope I can be as informative as I can for those that might be considering having this done. If you have questions feel free to message me on Facebook or emailing me. I would be happy to answer any that you might have. Thank you again to everyone who has supported me through all of this and who continues to support me. You all know who you are. I love all of you. Till next time, that's all for now.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Pre-Surgery Jitters, Thoughts on the Pre-Surgery Diet and a Thank You
I really miss food. Today is day 5 of the liquid diet I am required to eat prior to surgery. There seems to be a method to this madness. The liquid diet consists of pretty much all protein, and no carbohydrates. The diet, in theory, gives you the necessary amount of protein through the day to live and maintain proper muscle mass while forcing the liver to use up the stored carbohydrates and sugars forcing it to shrink. The importance of shrinking the liver is so that it can be safely moved out of the way during surgery so the surgeon can do his thing. So, while I would never wish this diet on ANYONE, it has a purpose and I have been doing what I need to do daily during this difficult time.
Some of the naysayers are pointing their fingers and saying "Oh I am sure you will be fine and you will live", in their very selfish way. What people don't realize is that I am a 355 pound man that was eating probably close to 2000 calories a day on Tuesday to eating 600 calories a day via liquid protein drinks on Wednesday. This has not been easy by no means. To go to work and have a team meeting on my last day of work where the entire team is eating pizza and I can't eat any is quite difficult. To watch my family eat McDonald's while I can't eat any myself is very difficult. I am gonna have to get used to it though. This is the life I have chosen to lead.
I am a little bit concerned with everything that is going on in my life. Everything has happened so fast. My daughter and I moved into Jill's house yesterday. I am happy with that decision. It makes things much easier for both of us in that we can spend more time together and don't have to run back and forth between two houses anymore. It also means we will both get more sleep since we were staying up quite late trying to to squeeze in time for each other. It is something we have talked about and we agreed upon. I could not be any happier with my relationship with Jill and how things are progressing. I welcome the new life we have started together and I look forward to the next chapter in our lives.
With that being said, I am concerned that all of this is putting a burden on her and her son because of the timing of everything. She tells me that she is okay with everything and she is here to support me and be here for me in any way that I may need. She has always been very supportive of me and my decisions since we met. I guess maybe I should respect her decision in that she is okay with everything but I can't help but wonder if there are things she doesn't tell me. I don't want her to get stressed out trying to take care of me after surgery. I don't want to put additional stress on her and cause her more then she is willing and able to deal with. I love her very much and hold her to the highest possible regard because of how amazing she is. She means the world and so much more to me.
With about 30 hours to go until my surgery, the nerves are starting to creep in. I am scared, I am not going to lie or even try and sugarcoat it. A person who seldom worries about things I have no control over is worrying a little. It's a difficult process and I really have a lot on my mind. I know I seem distant at times when you try and talk to me. I am not ignoring you. I am simply lost in thought trying to work through some of the things running through my mind. I try and find things to distract myself because when I am not distracted I sit and think and my mind races. I hope if you are reading this and you are interacting with me in these last few days this helps clear some things up. Well, I may write more in the next day or so. Look for more after the surgery as I am sure there will be lots of thoughts and emotions post-surgery.
I ask that you keep me in your thoughts and prayers over the next couple days as I am really going through a lot. I thank all of you wonderful people that read my blogs and I thank each and every one of you that I can truly call my friend or family. I look forward to many years of of blogging and happiness. Goodnight.
Some of the naysayers are pointing their fingers and saying "Oh I am sure you will be fine and you will live", in their very selfish way. What people don't realize is that I am a 355 pound man that was eating probably close to 2000 calories a day on Tuesday to eating 600 calories a day via liquid protein drinks on Wednesday. This has not been easy by no means. To go to work and have a team meeting on my last day of work where the entire team is eating pizza and I can't eat any is quite difficult. To watch my family eat McDonald's while I can't eat any myself is very difficult. I am gonna have to get used to it though. This is the life I have chosen to lead.
I am a little bit concerned with everything that is going on in my life. Everything has happened so fast. My daughter and I moved into Jill's house yesterday. I am happy with that decision. It makes things much easier for both of us in that we can spend more time together and don't have to run back and forth between two houses anymore. It also means we will both get more sleep since we were staying up quite late trying to to squeeze in time for each other. It is something we have talked about and we agreed upon. I could not be any happier with my relationship with Jill and how things are progressing. I welcome the new life we have started together and I look forward to the next chapter in our lives.
With that being said, I am concerned that all of this is putting a burden on her and her son because of the timing of everything. She tells me that she is okay with everything and she is here to support me and be here for me in any way that I may need. She has always been very supportive of me and my decisions since we met. I guess maybe I should respect her decision in that she is okay with everything but I can't help but wonder if there are things she doesn't tell me. I don't want her to get stressed out trying to take care of me after surgery. I don't want to put additional stress on her and cause her more then she is willing and able to deal with. I love her very much and hold her to the highest possible regard because of how amazing she is. She means the world and so much more to me.
With about 30 hours to go until my surgery, the nerves are starting to creep in. I am scared, I am not going to lie or even try and sugarcoat it. A person who seldom worries about things I have no control over is worrying a little. It's a difficult process and I really have a lot on my mind. I know I seem distant at times when you try and talk to me. I am not ignoring you. I am simply lost in thought trying to work through some of the things running through my mind. I try and find things to distract myself because when I am not distracted I sit and think and my mind races. I hope if you are reading this and you are interacting with me in these last few days this helps clear some things up. Well, I may write more in the next day or so. Look for more after the surgery as I am sure there will be lots of thoughts and emotions post-surgery.
I ask that you keep me in your thoughts and prayers over the next couple days as I am really going through a lot. I thank all of you wonderful people that read my blogs and I thank each and every one of you that I can truly call my friend or family. I look forward to many years of of blogging and happiness. Goodnight.
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